the umbrella effect

We all know that life not only 'can be' stressful, it just plain IS stressful. Sometimes the stress is good, and even motivational. Other times the stress doesn't feel any kind of good. But the stress is there all the same. Lately, the decision of whether or not to start a family right now was sort of - hanging - over my head. The not so good kind of stress…. and I couldn't figure out how to eliminate it. The only option of elimination being: MAKE A DECISION.

   Over the last few weeks my household has been very busy. For the sake of attempting not to write a novel I will tick off a few main points; physical therapy, counseling, several doctor’s appointments,  school tests and reviews (and everything else under the sun), babies being born (Amelia!!), vet appointments, job stress (for the DH, his boss was away so he was running his shop SOLO for the first time ever as well as taking care of the plowing which he has also never done before), and the list goes on. I think you get the idea. So the point is that we've had a lot more than just school and our relationship to deal with lately. Add to all of that the not so good stress of such an important decision to make and you get a not so neat little cocktail of roller coaster emotions and an out of control, runaway train, brain. In times where I should have been concentrating on the task or situation at hand I was, instead, focused on my emotions. I just couldn’t focus on anything else.

   However, the nasty old black umbrella that was affecting all other areas of my life has been ripped out of my greedy little clutches and carried off by the wind.

   Yes, you read correctly. By ‘greedy’ I meant that I have a tendency to dwell on all things emotional. When we dwell we hold on to something like a dying rich man who won’t take his rigid bony fingers off his 24 karat gold wallet. Now I know I am a woman, and women tend to be emotional; but I am who God created me to be and that just happens to be someone who is a little extra focused on all things emotional. The blessing in that is that I experience life to the fullest and when my loved ones need some emotional support I am there for them. Not everyone can be supportive in that way. If I were a super hero I'd probably be an 'empath'. The curse in it? Well, I'm pretty sure if you know me you're already aware of it.

   

   But God is good. He provided a way out from under that old umbrella, like he promises He will do. The stress was actually legitimate and not a figment of my imagination or something I was blowing out of proportion (I'm emotional, it happens..)

   We had a decision to make, that we didn't know how to make, and we felt stuck. There is a lot in life that needs to change if you want to responsibly choose to bring a child into this world. We wanted to make the choice to start our family but we both had conflicting emotions and were unable to settle on a decision. Our hearts were finally ready to say YES YES YES! But our brains were saying OH NO NO NO! We had finally gotten back to a place where we both wanted children, we both wanted to start trying, we both felt ready to be parents….Enter: the ominous 'BUT' looming over our heads in the form of - the previously mentioned ugly black umbrella. Our hearts are in the right place to finally say yes, but our lives are not.

Like I said, God is good. After a few recent events, some of them being doctor's visits among other things, we have been able to finally feel our hearts settle into a plan we both know is right. We know it is right because we can feel it. We have the peace we were looking for, our decision is made, the stress and physical exhaustion that making this decision caused is over with and we can move on. Yay!

   Stay tuned for a new mini-series I’ll be working on called: BAKING BUNNES

Luke 12:25 – “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?”

Jeremiah 29:11 – “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Dear God,

   I know that you have a plan for our lives, but most of the time I feel so blind to your plan and I can’t help obsessing about finding the place where the plan feels good to me. You tell us not to worry, that it won’t add an hour to our lives, yet worrying is exactly what I do. I can’t help it. I’m sorry Lord and I pray that You will deliver me from worrying. I pray that You will teach me how to trust in You and not to keep trying to take my future in my own hands by willing it to be what I want. You know what is best for me. You know where I need to be in my life and You have known since the creation of time. God, I know that you have a plan and that it will be good if I can learn how to go along with it. I am asking you to keep showing me, don’t stop please, and keep leading me to where I need to be. I know I am a stubborn and ignorant lamb, I know I need you. Please help me follow you, please show me how to do that in a way that pleases you. But most importantly, thank you! Thank you for delivering me from this worry, for showing me that your plan really is the best plan, for leading me to this point in my life even though I keep tripping over my own sin and insecurity. Thank you for loving me, and continuing to open your hand and reach out to me, thank you for showing me who You really are. Thank you so much.

Amen